Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize