i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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