There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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