You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
