well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
