Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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