walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
