he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
