youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We left the knife in your bed.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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