hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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