Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
