I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
