Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
