Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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