We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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