Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
