If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
