it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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