He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize