I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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