Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
