I wish my penis had an off switch
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
