the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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