I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
