We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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