i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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