I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize