i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize