He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
