Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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