Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
