She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize