I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
