Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
