I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize