yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
