It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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