My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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