it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
