I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
