At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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