What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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