Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
last night I used snow as a chaser
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
