Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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