If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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