i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Walk of Shame today included voting.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
