If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize