I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
