Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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