come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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