She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
