Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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