Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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