im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
