very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
