I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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