my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
