yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
