hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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