So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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