lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
