Welp...herpes.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
