I got chris browned last night
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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