Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize