i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
wow bdsm is so cute
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
