i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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