3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize