do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
