dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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