I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
