So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
