Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
