I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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