Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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