i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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