too bad you live with your parents still
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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