What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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