I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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