Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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