I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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