It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
