this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
MIDGETS
????
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
