I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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